Centrifugal Force

A couple of weeks ago I had a wake-up call regarding my depression. It made me realize that I wasn't taking care of myself enough, and that if I ever wanted to get to feeling better, I'd have to do something about that.

So what did I do?

I started YET ANOTHER PROJECT.

Relax, it's a small one. Another one of my "two weeks because that's all I can take" events.

I decided upon four goals:

1) I'd work out every day of those two weeks,
2) I'd avoid non-fruit sugar (meaning no white or brown sugar, no honey, no molasses, etc.),
3) I'd avoid caffeine and alcohol, and
4) I wouldn't buy any pretzels.

I'm about halfway through now, and my progress has been mixed.

Working out: The first week I worked out every day, Monday-Friday, and then on Saturday and Sunday I worked at the inn, which involves running around for 4.5 hours or so. I deemed that to be enough exercise because my feet were killing me and I was physically exhausted, but probably doesn't quite count. Then this past Monday I got my period, and I felt too horrible and dragged out to do anything. Yesterday "working out" was defined as "walking the 1.2 miles to the mailbox and back at a slow and easy pace," which...again, probably doesn't quite count.

So really I've been slacking a smidge. Gotta pick up the pace today.

Eating sugar: I've done fairly well with this one, having virtuously avoided the candy at work, buying any sweets, or even baking with any. Lately, though...again, I've slacked a little. Well, not "slacked" so much as "run on autopilot like the sugar junkie I am."

And I'm being serious on that last-- I'm totally a sugar junkie. I have to have something sweet every day, preferably multiple times. I find giving up sugar to be harder even than giving up cigarettes, which, y'know, is notoriously difficult.

Last Monday at work, I thought to myself, "Man, I just ate curry and my breath reeks. I'd better have a peppermint to freshen it." So I did, completely without the GOOD kind of thinking. The instant the last morsel had melted away, I went, "AW HELL."

Then I baked some carrots for a meal once, and my standard carrot recipe involves some spices and a small dash of honey or agave syrup.
...You see where this is going.

Then yesterday...oh lord. I tried to make a quick-bread recipe using no sugar and applesauce instead of the oil. But you know what? 1/4 cup of applesauce is not going to give quick bread much taste. So...I admit it. I cheated. Consciously, this time. I used maybe two table-spoons' worth of agave syrup. I may as well not have, though, because quite frankly the bread is still not sweet.

And...I had ketchup on the hamburgers we ate yesterday.

...Ah well.

Caffeine and alcohol: I am proud to announce that I've completely avoided these. I didn't have coffee or decaf at the inn. I haven't even had caffeinated tea! As for alcohol, my giving that up is more akin to a non-smoker giving up cigarettes for Lent. I drink so rarely I may as well not have bothered. But...in for a penny, in for a pound, right?

And the real klinker...

PRETZELS.

Ahhhh, my sweet salty love. How I dream of your crispy nothings in my mouth.

I am proud to say that I have not bought any pretzels. I can't say I haven't *eaten* any, since I had half a bag when I started my project, but once those were gone (in, oh, about two days) I never looked back.

I've been munching on raisins (good for the sweet cravings, too), sunflower seeds, and whatever random baked good I've made. It's good too, because I tend to munch on pretzels a lot, when I'm doing everything from reading to playing games to...eating meals...and the empty carbs were probably not so great.

My ultimate goals with this project?

I want to learn how to cook and bake with less sugar, and eat less in general, since just because it is available does not mean I should ingest it.
I want to not binge on anything, sweet or salty, liquid or solid, which is admittedly a problem of mine, especially when I'm feeling sad.
I'd love to break the haze of anhedonia, so I actually feel like I'm living my life instead of simply killing time.
I'd like to not rely solely on packaged foods to fulfill my snacky cravings.

I'd like to cut back my pretzel-eating to once every two weeks.
I'd like to limit coffee to once a week.
I'd like to cut back on non-fruit sugary things to twice a week.
I'd really like to get back into the habit of exercising 3-4 times a week.

Aaaaaand centrifugal force, GO.